As parents often do, they celebrate each milestone that their child accomplishes. Soon after their bundle of joy takes in their first breath, many parents dream of the day that they can actively participate in little Susie or Johnny’s life. They are overjoyed with the first smile, they encourage the tentative movements of crawling, and they are overcome with pride and joy by the first step. So many more parents wait in anticipation for that first word. This milestone marks the time when parent and child enter the stage of meaningful communication.
Parents are eager to put behind them the days of guessing the needs of their child. Instead they long to hear their child plainly tell them what they need. When the time comes and the first words are uttered, parents usually find themselves putting a spin on what was said. They delight, in the fact, that they have become their child’s official interpreter. As their child becomes more fluent in their conversation, those same parents often ask themselves why they were wishing their child could talk.
As a mother of three I too found that I could not wait to hear their first words. I anticipated every syllable that came from their mouths and strained to hear something meaningful from their babble. Our first child talked, with her first full sentence at 12 months. Of course it was the line that I often repeated to my husband, “Honey, don’t touch me.” (A natural reaction when you find yourself pregnant again after only three months from the last delivery.) Our second and third children had a little harder time getting to their first word. One was just stubborn and refused to talk and the other one had so many ear infections that it set her back by a year. Soon, even our last two learned to talk and then the talking didn’t stop.
By the time that they had become proficient with their words, I began to ask myself why I wanted them to talk in the first place. The never-ending pleas that were always pre-empted by mommy, mommy, mommy, MOMMEEEEEEEEEE were beginning to ware thin. Their language skills progressed from demands to complaints, with…she’s touching me, they took my stuff, carry me I’m tired, he hit me, she says I’m not in the family anymore. Their talking never ceases, the complaints increase and you are wishing for the day when the only thing that follows you into a room is silence. Besides the fact, that most of their talking often ranges from complaints to a virtual interrogation with…why mommy?, what are you doing?, how come?, when will we be there?, but there are no boundaries for any subject that their little minds would not traverse.
They spout out whatever comes to mind, even if it is a totally different subject matter. As I was talking with my in-laws about the upcoming holiday season, the children sat in the recliners watching their favorite Saturday morning shows. The conversation ran the gamut from where celebrations would be to what was on the menu, when I hear a little voice shout out, “Did you know that sometimes mommy and daddy take showers together.” That was it, a little interjection and then back to watching television. Not only do you want to slowly melt into the furniture, but you also have this overwhelming urge to stop your child from talking…ever.
Is that possible? Is there a way to stop your child from bringing up subjects that do not need to be discussed in front of other people? The only solution that viable is to communicate with them that there are subjects that cannot be brought up when others are around. There also needs to be some understanding on the part of the parent that children are not born with an automatic shut-off valve that stops inappropriate speech. There are no taboo subjects with them. However, if there are issues that you don’t want repeated you need to refrain from discussing those things in front of them.
Communication is an on-going learning experience, one that is not mastered even when you are several years older. Like anything conversation is an art form that only gets better with practice.
